I haven't had sex in a year (pandemic problems)

Covid-19 is spreading everything but my legs

I haven't had sex in over a year (pandemic problems)


Despite all this talk about droplets, my sex life has been remarkably dry. Pre-Covid- yes, that's how I define the world now; pre and post-Covid- I was in the process of moving to the city. Single and excited for the prospect of a booming social life and a chance to meet someone new, I decided to stop dating until after I moved. I was blissfully ignorant of the encroaching pandemic. I went six months without sex and I was okay. I was empowered in my choice. I was saving myself for brighter horizons. Six months was a long time for me, but it was fine because it was only temporary.


Pre-Covid me was so optimistic. Post-Covid me is extremely jaded. This pandemic has held my sex life hostage. In fact, my vagina is on more of a lockdown than the rest of my body. At least I can get a latte (take-out) while downstairs has not been allowed to come upstairs for a long time. How long? A year and a half- it will be two years in September. Fuck me! Literally! As businesses start to open up, my shop remains closed. 


I realize people in relationships have had their sex lives altered too. The sexy spontaneity that may have been a driver before no longer exists. Couple that with being stuck together all the time and you will find even couples aren't doing the deed like they used to pre-Covid. But single people have suffered more. Remember the good old days when your biggest worry was getting ghosted and HPV? Not anymore! Now you can also get a life-threatening respiratory disease you can spread to the public faster than chlamydia spreads through a frat house. Not to mention you don't even need to have sex to become Covid positive. "Does kissing make a baby, Mommy?" "No honey, but it can kill you."


Women like me who are excited about meeting people organically, out in the abandoned world, have been forced online. Online dating in the Covid age comes with its benefits in that you can set up multiple virtual dates in one evening. I once went on four video dates in one night, and while Zooming through four first dates feels like a time-saving opportunity, it was a little exhausting. I felt fortunate to have not wasted my time or money on an in-person date with someone I wasn't compatible with. The downfall is that dating apps can be discouraging, defeating, dangerous, and addicting. 


Sadly, even when I'm out in the real world for brief moments, I can only see half of someone's face. The same goes for mine. A flirty smile and warm "Hello" is my bread and butter. Now the body language and facial cues that signal that I'm open to conversation are masked- literally- by three-ply fabric. Zoom takes that away from us too. When was the last time you said "I'd like to go on a date with her, from the neck up?" Hand gestures, light touches, the taking of a hand to jump a puddle. This is intimacy. This is how we get comfortable. This is what develops feelings, what awakens butterflies from their cocoons, and inspires them to flutter around in our stomachs. Plus, someone told me the camera adds ten pounds. It must be the camera, right? It's not Covid weight or me eating my feelings.


A lack of sex during Covid has forced me to focus on self-care. Yes, I mean that type of self-care. I've purchased three new vibrators during the Covid-19 pandemic. While it's a lot of fun, it's not the same. It's almost a joke to some, telling me to get a vibrator (like I don't already have 5!) and that's because there has been a lack of empathy toward the ails of the single during the pandemic. Sex is a need. Intimacy and touch are important to my mental health. My vibrator can do a lot, but it can't hold me at night after a difficult day. I've tried. It's just weird. Single people are learning all too well about the frigid and isolating loneliness that is viral right now.


Another thing Covid has done is force us to prove our monogamy, even in blossoming relationships. It's not because we are all suddenly insecure. It's because we need to prove we are being safe in all aspects of our lives. This means that if we're swapping spit with other people, it's a major dick move to not tell the person we are dating. A mortal dick move. This puts monogamy under a microscope, and can also force non-monogamous people to step back inside the box for safety's sake. 


Apparently, there is a silver lining to even the worst situations, and luckily this is true about Covid and sex. Pressure to physically distance for longer means that more of an emphasis is being placed on forming bonds and nurturing connections. Real connections. You can date in-person for years and never find a real, genuine connection. People are taking their time. They are communicating more. And they are being really sure of someone before meeting them for the first time. 


That being said, I still haven't made a Covid connection. Everyone keeps telling me I need to stick it out, but the truth is I'd rather stick it in. I just want to spread my legs, not the virus. I have to ask: Is anyone having sex right now? 




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